From Live Like Sam’s Parent Corner
Most parents know what to look for when a child is struggling: withdrawal, crying, changes in sleep or appetite, declining grades. These are the visible signals. They are also, increasingly, not the ones that go unaddressed.
The harder cases are the kids who look fine. Who perform well, stay socially engaged, and appear to be managing everything. Who are, in fact, managing everything, because the management itself has become the coping mechanism.
This is what clinicians working with high-functioning adolescents describe as the anxiety gap: the distance between internal experience and outward presentation. And in communities like Park City, where achievement is visible and social comparison is constant, that gap can run wide.
High performance and high distress are not mutually exclusive. In adolescents, they frequently coexist.”
Performance as a Coping Strategy
Dr. Lynn Lyons, a licensed clinical social worker and anxiety specialist who has worked extensively with adolescents and families, describes a pattern common in high-achieving kids: anxiety does not always reduce activity. Often, it accelerates it. The student who is over-scheduled, over-committed, and relentlessly productive may not be thriving. They may be avoiding.
When staying busy becomes the primary strategy for managing internal discomfort, the discomfort does not resolve. It waits. And because the outward presentation looks like success, neither the teen nor the adults around them have an easy framework for naming what is actually happening.
THE ANXIETY GAP IS REAL
High performance and high distress are not mutually exclusive. In adolescents, they frequently coexist.
What this means for parents: Ask about how things feel, not just how things are going. “Are you actually enjoying any of this?” is a different question than “How did it go?” The first one opens space for an honest answer. The second one often gets a performative one.
The energy required to appear okay is energy unavailable for actual wellbeing.”
What the Research Says About Anxious High-Achievers
The Child Mind Institute has documented the prevalence of anxiety in adolescents who present as capable and high-functioning. Their research notes that these teens are often the last to receive intervention, not because their struggles are less significant, but because they have learned to mask effectively in environments that reward performance.
Utah-specific data adds local context: the state consistently ranks among the highest in the country for adolescent anxiety and depression, including among youth in high-income communities. The correlation between high-pressure achievement environments and unaddressed mental health challenges is well-established.
MASKING IS EXHAUSTING
The energy required to appear okay is energy unavailable for actual wellbeing.
What this means for parents: Do not use outward functioning as the primary measure of how your child is doing internally. A teenager who is performing at a high level and showing no visible distress can still be struggling significantly. Check in beneath the surface, not with alarm, but with genuine curiosity and enough consistency that they know the option is available.
Sometimes humor is the most effective way in.”
Why Humor Opens Doors That Seriousness Closes
The Anxiety Club, which screened April 9 at Jim Santy Auditorium, takes an unconventional approach: it looks at anxiety through the lens of comedy. This is not a gimmick. There is research behind it.
Studies on humor and psychological safety, including work published through the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, show that laughter creates neurological and relational conditions that lower defensiveness and increase openness to difficult topics. For teenagers especially, who are acutely attuned to whether a conversation is going to feel like a trap, humor signals safety in a way that earnest directness sometimes cannot.
LEVITY IS NOT AVOIDANCE
Sometimes it is the most effective way in.
What this means for parents: If your teenager will not talk about how they are feeling, they might watch something about it. Shared media, a film, a podcast, a series, creates a third-party reference point that removes the pressure of direct disclosure.
Key Takeaways | The Cheat Sheet
If you read nothing else, read this.
- Busy is not the same as fine. Over-scheduling and high performance can be anxiety in disguise. Ask about the feeling beneath the activity.
- Masking is common in high-achieving teens. The kids who look most capable are sometimes the last to get support. Check in beneath the surface.
- Utah context matters. This state ranks among the highest in the country for adolescent anxiety. High-income communities are not exempt.
- Humor creates safety. Shared media and light-touch conversations open doors that direct questioning sometimes closes.
Bottom Line
You just need to be there.